Body
This was me around the time my view of life changed, and I locked in on my ability to mask. If you saw the original launch of this website, then you know the story. The response made me realize not all memories should be shared with the public, so I stopped writing and growing this resource website for a year to regroup.
The point is simple.
When your nervous system is traumatized, if you do not learn how to regulate in a healthy way, the side effects will destroy you and also impact those in your life. We can’t control the past, but we can control how we respond to it.
Mind
In my teenage years, I frequently reflected on one of the most well-known scriptures.
“And do not be conformed to this world,
but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—
His good, pleasing and perfect will.”
Romans 12:2
There was only one problem. I didn’t actually know how to renew my mind. I knew how to say and do the right things, at least most of the time, but in reality my mind was very sick. Any time my mask would crack under pressure, those closest to me would be shocked to learn my true feelings. If they were not validated, I would retreat, repair the crack with shame and add another layer to my internal walls.
Heart
Second grade. That’s when I started looking for my husband. Seriously. The search for love and acceptance overshadowed everything I said or did. Relationships gave me purpose, but my lack of self-love derailed them all in one way or another. Insecurity sabotaged many connections in my life over the years.
Even though I came from a loving family, I didn’t learn how to regulate my feelings and emotions well into adulthood. That lack of knowledge laid the foundation for extreme codependency and all-consuming levels of people-pleasing.
Spirit
I was seven years old when I talked to Jesus for the first time and asked him to “come into my heart.” Even though I didn’t fully understand, my eyes were opened to the supernatural realm. I experienced the Spirit of God enter my body. It was an encounter I’ve never doubted to be real, but it also sounded crazy to speak of out loud.
More things happened in the years to follow that I rarely shared for fear of being seen as crazy or delusional. So I kept the hard to digest things under the radar. I existed in that energy for over 30 years until I was forced to be still for a season. That’s when the vision of this website took root.
